Change.

It's amazing what can happen in so short a time that can change someone's mindset. I know that most of my posts are about the dating game or other such things, but I can't help it that I'm somewhat of a philosopher of romance. 

My last post remarked on how guys and girls cannot really be just friends and while I still somewhat believe this, I have also come to some other conclusions. In my LDS Marriage and Family class at BYU, my professor taught us about 5 seasons of dating. Predating, dating, courting, engagement, and marriage. Predating is that time before the age of sixteen when we are supposed to just get together with friends in our own age groups and to learn about being around the opposite sex in a friendly setting. The dating season is often done wrongly by the world. During the dating season, we are supposed to be learning about what we like and do not like. It includes doing activities with someone in a paired off setting, but not excusively. We are supposed to be friends and get to know others. It's a time for fun. During this season, many people go too quickly and immediately start physical intimacies that aren't neccessary yet. Dating is going on dates and getting confortable with one person of the opposite sex. Then if we decide that we really like that person, we can move to the courting season. This season adds romance to the friendship that dating provided. Boys may bring girls flowers; the couple may even decide to be exclusive as boyfriend and girlfriend. Now is the time that holding hands or the occasional kiss is okay. We are courting each other now. After a time this season then might follow nature and turn into the engagement season. Sometimes it doesn't, but if it is right, then it will happen. Then of course after engagement comes marriage. 

While learning of this idea, I found myself understanding all of it. I realized that I had been going about dating all wrong. Kissing is supposed to mean something and so we should hold off until we care about that other person. Even holding hands is an intimate thing that is reserved for someone you find you have feelings for. Why do we tend to rush things? These 5 seasons are just that seasons. They follow a certain rhythm that if we truly desire it, we can be able to progress at the proper pace. 

The biggest difficulty I know that I will end up coming across is either finding someone with this same idea of being friends and then moving forward or convincing someone that we should wait to see if we really like each other. The amazing thing is that because I have now received a true understanding and belief in this process, I won't be able to back down and kiss on the first date. It will be hard, but if the person I'm with does not understand this, then he is not worth it. 

I've found that I deserve to be properly treated and I should also treat others accordingly. Too many times have I taken for granted what I've been offerred. The world has cheapened kissing and further intimacies, but we can stand up and make it the special experience it is supposed to be. 

I'm excited to test out this concept :)

The friend.

I've always be of the opinion that girls and guys cannot ever be "just" friends because at some time during that friendship one or the other almost always likes the other in a more romantic way. It's inevitable. You may not agree because you've been able to do it, but how do you know that you're "buddy" never ever liked you like that? If you ask, will they really tell the truth either? I doubt it.

Because I had this opinion, I stayed away from these types of friendships, but then decided to start making exceptions because I thought I could do it. Not so. It's incredibly hard to decide that you'll just be friends with someone and then find that for some reason they love to hang out with you, but never feel any other inkling of emotion for you. In my case, it's because I'm too dang nice. I allow myself to become a go-to girl and then I never leave that position. I've had my fair share of guys like me romantically, yes, but never the one that I really really want. Someday, I know, but for now I have "friend" syndrome. The only problem though is that it's not exactly a bad thing to be someone's friend; it's just hard when that's all you'll be.

Anyway, just me needing to vent/type out.

Not even my type.

Every girl should be treated like a queen. Pursued with a vengeance. I am one of those girls. Or atleast I'd like to be. Someday I'll find my exact type of guy and he will magically if not blessedly love me more than I love him. We are designed to want to find our true love and it's pretty depressing when it never works. I'm glad I have the family and friends beside me to help conquer unwanted feelings or feelings that need to cease. I am a daughter of God and He loves me more than I could ever want any man to love me. Why do I settle for anything less? I shouldn't have to. I will not any more. Bring it on.

Creepy Crawlies.

Phobias are irrational. I know this because I have a phobia. Bugs. It's completely insane because they are such tiny things that I could crush with one stamp of my foot, yet when one lands on me I freak out. Sometimes I can control it, but most of the time my body reacts uncontrollably. I scream and jump up and down. I repeat the phrase, "Get it off! Get if off!" and when it is off, I have to find it in order to watch it so that it doesn't get on me again.

The other night, I was cleaning the bathroom and I noticed a spider sitting in my doorway. I had walked through that doorway I don't know how many times and had never seen it. When I finally did, I think it knew. Sounds crazy I know, but as soon as I saw it and tried to get it away, it came down on it's little string to get me. I finally thought I killed it, but it wouldn't die! I had to sit and watch and scream at it for awhile before I got the guts to actually get some tissue paper and squish it. Scariest thing.

So it's irrational and embarrassing. I need professional help.